A guilt I had was did Elva know she was loved. The night she died I was angry because I was sick of worrying, I was worried then I laughed at her very last wiggles because thought she was having a small sugar rush from sweets I’d eaten to get her to shift.
It was only next day I realise that wiggle was her going breech before she passed away peacefully.
After her birth I told her I loved her I always had and I always will.
Once I was home I went over and over what I did, how I felt and what I said.
How she knew she was loved:
- I told her daily, from those 2 magical lines and I haven’t stopped
- I rubbed my belly daily, connecting to her through love (sorry tad cheesy)
- I sang to her daily like I had with my boys. Twinkle, twinkle
- She was wanted very much, we were excited to meet her and even now she’s gone she’s still very much wanted
- We wanted only the best I made sure I was careful and I never took any medication I didn’t need
- We worried. Worry comes from love for something so so precious
- We named her and gave her an identity before we knew her.
- She only knew love she mostly only knew me and she was always on my mind
- I planned her future and her arrival before I knew she had one
To be surrounded by only love and nothing more has to be the best way to live and die if there’s no other options. I’m proud Elva is ours and I’m proud I got the honour to love her.