I should be….

I should be…..

31 weeks instead of 3 weeks post birth

waddling like a duck instead of not

having growth scans instead of feeling lost

planning my birth instead of replaying it

being grateful I’m not pregnant as long as an elephant instead of being sad it was too short

folding and refolding tiny clothes instead of shutting the drawers for good

crocheting a blanket for Elva instead of selling all my wool

peeing every hour instead of only a few times a day

needing a hoist just to roll over in bed instead of desperately trying to avoid lying on my front

feeling movements in my tum like an extra in Alien instead of jelly and phantom kicks

getting excited for Christmas instead of dreading that empty space

smiling instead of frowning

laughing instead of crying

dreading Jem’s party because I’d be heavy and achy instead of dreading facing everyone in an enclosed space

content instead of  wanting to escape

hopeful instead of fearful

worrying over Elva instead of grieving for her

missing my toes instead of missing my bump

readying the nursery instead of avoiding packing it away

full of love instead of heartbroken

and that’s just today..

tracy

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