Repetition

In many of my posts I point out I’m repeating myself slightly.

I repeat same words and phrases.

This is grief. Lunacy and repetition.

You go over and over and over EVERY single thing.

Everything you said, you did, saw, ate, took, thought of.

It fuels your guilt, your fear, your sorrow.

You mull over from the moment you ovulated to the moment you are sitting at.

Did I miss something, did I do or not do something.

Will I heal, will I be happy.

How can I live with this.

Every day since Elva my thoughts repeat: I want my baby back, I miss my  baby, This is unfair.

Some days are harder others easier but they are the same

You have so little memories compared to your own life and  so little concrete information its easy to repeat.

It’s easy to invent wacky thoughts and ideas.

It comes from desperation maybe even hope

Grief is so complex but so samey at the same time

We can’t help it.  Its almost a cry for help because one day someone will answer here’s your baby back. Won’t they?

tracy

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