YOU forgot

My body forgot about Elva.

I was given drugs to stop my milk and drugs to block my hormones so my body went back to normal as soon as I delivered

I’ve shrunk so much that my clothes  fall down which they’ve never done at this size. I have no clue how I shrunk so much so fast. I had a bump not long ago.

I can move! I had bad hips starting which made moving about a bit creaky. I had it with Leif and it lasted well beyond delivery. Within a week of Elva’s delivery I felt great.

My feet had swelled, my hands too. Again I had it before. Day after delivery it went.

I’m 3 weeks and 2 days post  baby and my belly hurts like it did before when I did that womanly thing of ovulating. Seriously? I have a baby already.

My body betrayed me it forgot how precious it is to carry a baby. Weird my linea nigra appeared days after delivery.

My mind teases me however. The early days I had pregnancy dreams. I had a big beautiful Elva bump.

My mind tells me I’m broody and longs for a baby. I already told you I have one!

It likes to trigger my grief at the silliest things.

It controls my mouth that says things it shouldn’t.

It makes me feel guilt over every single thing because my body forgot but my mind didn’t it likes to remind me it didn’t.

My heart however is my only ally. It remembers the love and the joy. It remembers how it felt to carry her and it remembers the pain of her loss.

It likes to remind me I’m ok and it likes to give me hope I’ll always be ok.

It links me to that perfect girl that have graced our lives.

tracy

 

 

 

 

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