Some days….

… I don’t know I will survive this.

The early days you know you won’t survive this there is no possible way you’re strong enough. You keep saying I’m not strong I can’t do this I will never be happy or ok again.

Weeks pass and you get the moments still of wondering how you will survive and telling yourself you can’t. But you forget you survived this long, you have been brave up to this point.

Some days are harder and the harder days are more frequent than the easy ones. You don’t have to like the hard days just accept they happen.

During this time its hard to be selfish. You worry about others feelings and how long term it affects them. You don’t want to be seen as selfish but you can’t push yourself either.

A part of you have to look to the future to determine if you will regret being selfish or selfless. But that’s so hard right now the last time you planned ahead it involved a healthy baby and that was taken from you so suddenly.

You question even making plans or looking beyond that minute you’re stood in. Because it can change so rapidly it makes no sense to look ahead.

You need to be gentle. Grief isn’t an illness as such but also you aren’t well. You can’t expect yourself to do normal everyday things. You  can’t expect to ever be back to normal and it takes time. Therefore no-one else should expect it of you either.

If they dislike it then I’m sorry its time to find someone who does understand and can be there for you.

tracy

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