I’ve talked a lot about needing hope and struggling to look ahead due to the knowledge it never seems to happen that way.
There are a lot of ups and downs with grief. You almost feel like you need locking up one minute you’re happy smiling laughing the next you’re broken down in tears inconsolable not making any sense.
Meltdowns are a frequent occurrence during grief. Being happy and smiling makes guilt appear. You feel your baby should be here with you, you feel you should be sad all the time and never feel good again.
In a bid to help me relax I decided to do the following :
- write in a notebook: when I’m frustrated I write. Unlike this blog those thoughts will be kept private for the time being
- meditation/hypnosis: these are things you can do at home, either google some ideas or look on youtube for relaxing ideas. The hypnosis is simply a deep relaxation technique and for me it does work to send me off a little
- keep busy: Leif has recently been diagnosed with asthma so in a bid to keep busy and stop him feeling ill I clean every other day now instead of couple times a week. instead of folding clothes en-mass and putting away I do in small bursts. I’ve started a scrapbook for Elva, I crochet & of course I write.
- help others: I’m very good at being positive for others, offering advice and giving out help. Shame I can’t help myself as successfully. Thinking of others will help keep you busy and distracted too and you may learn some techniques to be more positive.
- be positive: I find this extremely difficult. Before Elva I was a pessimist. After Elva I had a time of being positive saying when instead of if. The I crashed and I’m worse than ever. I try be positive and that’s were the other techniques come in to stop the stronger negative thoughts taking over
- donating: I am aiming to have nappies & blankets for tiny ones in full force to hopefully donate to my local hospital regularly. This makes something worthwhile come from Elva’s death and my experience. It also keeps me busy & distracted. It is also a positive action.
- read: anything to keep you busy I can easily waste a few hours reading it takes you to a different world with other peoples problems, other peoples highs and lows.
Small steps is the key and one thing I’m struggling to accept is it will take time. I need to be patient and allow my feelings to take over from time to time. No matter how much I don’t want to the more I fight the worse I feel. Grief is about learning lessons about yourself and allowing others to learn with you. Help yourself and others then let others help you it’s the only way.