I went to see a mental health nurse yesterday, in fact I’ve seen 2 separate ones. Due to the fact there is lack of grief help in my area.
The first MHN asked if I had any beliefs. I said not religious ones no but I feel Elva is with me. She quickly interrupted and said no you’re wrong. Those in heaven can’t see those left behind. The nature of being with God is they can’t experience suffering so therefore they can’t see you upset and sad. You will go to her when your time comes and she will be waiting. But she’s not with you.
Now I’ve never considered myself particularity strong but for me belief is what you make of it and not everyone needs the same belief. I don’t believe there is ONE thing we need to have faith in. I nodded politely whilst silently tell her SHE was wrong. Elva is with me in my heart everywhere I go and no matter what she says that won’t change. I know MY belief is true because physically I can feel her there.
Yesterday when waiting for my appointment with Daddy & Leif, someone we knew entered. She said hello then rudely went into prying questions. Whose appointment is it? Daddy answered it was mine.
She said oh you have depression too…. erm no we’re here because we lost a baby and need to talk it through with someone.
OOOHH so are you having another one then.. at this point I stepped in and stated that was a rude question a long with the others and was none of anyone’s business. Then an unhelpful woman also waiting said Oh ones enough anyway isn’t it. Maybe she was trying to help point out the other woman’s comment was out of line but that was not the best choice of words.
I was annoyed one is enough yes but I have THREE children and 2 will never be enough because my third will always be missing! Four will never be enough because my third again will still be missing. I’m all for people are unsure what to say but I would hope I’d have the sense to know that is not the right thing to say.
To suggest because I’ve one child the other doesn’t matter as much like my upset would be more valid if Elva was my first and only child? To suggest another child would replace the one I lost. Just no, no and a bit more no.
Unfortunately it’s common to be treated like it’s ok because you’ve other children repeatedly. Maybe I should be over it twice as quick because I’ve two others….. if only.