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Families who lose a baby often are made to feel guilty.

Those with kids already are made to feel guilty: you have 2 to concentrate on, you’ll always have 3 but your boys need you, at least you have your other kids. I’m aware I have my other 2 children and I’m aware they need me. Just because my 3rd child died doesn’t mean I suddenly don’t love them or care for them!

I would be as cut up if something happened to them and as I explained to Jem love grows it isn’t limited and I love every one of my kids the same amount. Differently as they are different being but I don’t favour one over the other ever and that includes Elva.

I’ve been told I contradict myself a lot in my blogs and in my speech…. yes I know I wrote a few blogs on that exact point actually. I’m aware I contradict myself that’s grief for you. Being on social media groups amongst the same people you learn you’re not so weird after all and everyone feels exactly the same.

Grief is a normal natural process and theres nothing weird about it.

I’ve been told to share pictures of my daughter makes me a freak. I’m unsure how they feel about the fact I have her on my wall too. NEVER feel ashamed to show your baby off they are just that YOUR baby and there’s no difference between proudly showing them off than your living children. I often wonder if my daughters death would be more acceptable to others if she had lived for a short time before her death.

She has bruising to her body and her initial birth pictures aren’t as pretty as the boys. However she looks normal perfectly formed normal human being and unless you knew she had died you actually couldn’t tell on a lot of them. Majority of my pictures also are hands and feet. Since when were hands and feet offensive?

If that person doesn’t want to see your baby and doesn’t want to show pictures of their baby that’s fine but it doesn’t make you a bad person for doing differently.

Don’t ever feel guilty for grieving how you want to grieve ever. We all grieve and we all do it differently. Theres no right or wrong unless you’re hurting someone and a lot of the time the hurt someone feels is their issue not yours.

Its something that happened to you and it will change you massively. Yes it shouldn’t define you and it shouldn’t overwhelm you or take over your life but unfortunately it can. Sometimes you learn important lessons other changes mean you’re never the same though and some people can’t accept that. Again its their issue not yours.

tracy

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