I’ve learnt there’s no such thing as luck. Good luck and bad luck simply don’t exist.

If they did I wouldn’t have 2 healthy children, I would never have gotten pregnant, I would never have been given the chance to make my time with Elva as perfect as we could.

Since her passing we’ve been shown a lot of kindness and support. This isn’t luck this is proof we’ve made connections, friendships and that those people  feel we deserve some kindness right now. Or maybe it’s not even about us maybe it’s simply the fact when tragedy strikes people are there for you.. well the majority are.

I’ve changed as a person I’m more determined to make myself into someone I like. It’s a slow process but I can feel it happening and I shock myself with it some days. I can say now yes I believe this and there’s not a single seed of doubt there. It feels good. I finally have goals to work towards that I feel are worthwhile, achievable and incorporate past dreams I’ve never felt able to make work.

I’m finally learning life is what you make it, luck is what you create not what you have and it’s all about how you perceive it. There may never be a day I accept Elva’s death and I doubt I’ll ever find  a reason for her death but I can accept this is how it has to be even if I don’t like it and my life now is about making the most of things not taking life for granted any more.



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