Grief is lonely because even though you have others who understand, have been here or sympathise no-one is you and no-one is experiencing what you are in the moment that you’re experiencing it.

This is especially true in relationships. However this isn’t about experiencing different things so much its about how we deal with it too.

Men don’t want to talk. They don’t really want to think about it all and when they do they don’t want to repeat that thought from talking. Women are different though and find the thought easier if it is shared.

This can make grief feel so lonely and it can put pressure on a relationship too. I’ve found compromise is the only way. I’ve learnt to not express every thought and many pass easier. Like a child I’ve learnt to self soothe. Equally he’s learnt to share his thoughts more so I don’t feel I’m only one thinking certain things. It allows me a piece of his heart not seen by others. The part that yearns for things he never knew he wanted, the part that is eternally Elva’s.

Having friends who haven’t been through this or even those who have but are further in the journey tend to not want to remember thee hurt either but they are reminder it can improve life does go on.

Family even though have suffered the loss they tend to not understand either. They weren’t carrying the baby and different families react differently. Some it affects as much s the parents other try forget and move on which can be hurtful to the parents and increases the loneliness.

Importantly we need to remember we aren’t alone in this. We never were and never will be we just have to acknowledge that and gain the support how it appears to us. Sometimes nothing but a good cry will help



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