Kindness

I actually dislike being told I’m kind, thoughtful and inspiration. I like to hear gratitude and know someone is pleased to receive an item or I worry they hate it. But to be called kind I often don’t believe it and feels odd to me.

I’m making  nappies and donating blankets for my local hospital for other stillborn babies but without Elva I wouldn’t have thought to do this. It wouldn’t have entered my head to do this even though I knew people knit and crochet items for hospitals.

I want to learn photography so I can help others have nice photos like we were given access to. I never knew anyone did this at all until Elva.

So for me any kindness or inspiration I cause I truly believe comes from Elva and not me. It was her life and death than caused this want in me to do this and without her I would have been happily plodding along unaware.

For me it’s also selfish motivation. I hate that Elva  died and for me I want something to come from that and if this is it then it makes me feel better. There is the aspect I want to help others I wouldn’t do it otherwise but I don’t feel I deserve to be called kind or inspirational

tracy

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