Robbed

I feel so robbed. I feel like I was only playing at being pregnant like playing a role for a show.

I never got the huge bump I wanted that would signal healthy growth

I never got the fun guessing of when baby would come, what weight, what time.

I never got the fun of announcing baby to the world with a cute picture and birth details. I simply got to write: she’s here. I was in shock I wasn’t sure what to do.

I never got the twinges of ooh is this it for weeks on end.

I never got the OMG my waters have broke.

I never got the speculating over if I was pushing yet or not.

With Leif I told only a few I was in labour. My facebook updated that day with 37 weeks pregnant today. Someone commented saying ooh not long now not realised I was contracting. It was so fun to post the next day and say surprise he’s here! Everyone was in shock as I wasn’t quite due. I never got that.

I’ll never get the milestones. I’ll never get to take her to school, buy her first shoes, plait her hair.

I’ll never see her fall in love. I’ll never see happy. I’ll never see her again in this life.

I feel so robbed of an experience, of a lifetime, of love.

Tonight it hurts a lot.

tracy

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