Changes

The early days are awful. I see influxes every few weeks in groups of new angel parents in those early days of despair.

It reminds me of my ear!y days and weeks. The suffocating misery where you feel constant sense of dread with no hope. The sense nothing will ever be OK and you’ve a horrible life ahead filled with deep sadness, tears and despair.

You get past a few weeks past the busy planning the funeral, headstone, having support couple of milestones then people leave you alone again. You’ve less to do. You’re not doing what you expected to be doing and its lonely.

I’d say it took a good 5 months before I believed things could improve and its only 7 months I finally feel that lack of hope lifting. Things will never be perfect there will always be sadness for us but there’s hope of a meaningful life before I join elva again. There’s hope of happiness and knowing my boys won’t always be reminded of the bad times.

There are still days I feel overwhelmed like I can’t live this life and grieve anymore for her but they pass and I keep going knowing I can’t change it and all of it will make sense one day to someone.

I don’t blog as much now as I feel better. I’m busy doing things to help me heal. I’m living life hoping there’s more steps to follow on this journey but steps forward never backwards

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