Staying Safe in Groups and Forums

I know I’ve done a couple of mentions about fakes in groups but I thought I’d do a more centred blog on how to stay safe. Here are my tips based on 11 months of membership

DO

  • join groups recommended by friends
  • get to know the group, the rules and how it works before you contributed it helps you gain trust for the group
  • keep an eye on activity. One group I joined had many reports of photos and it was just never sorted so I never posted Elva’s picture in there
  • join many. You will find some work for you and others don’t. different ones allow different rules which may help or hinder you
  • remember members and admin have had a loss too and are struggling just the same
  • be aware SANDs charity do not currently have a facebook of their own any groups with SANDs in the name are run by angel parents and not the charity. This isn’t to say don’t join but if you need help off SANDs contact them directly.

DON’T

  • rush into sharing too much. It’s nice to introduce yourself and it’s nice to share but it’s also good to follow above about getting to know a group first
  • befriend just anyone. Just because you have a connection through your loss doesn’t mean you will be friends.
  • leave a group rashly. If you post your picture in a group and leave you can’t remove it without rejoining which you may not want to do
  • always believe what you hear whether it’s about some fake person, whether its a loss story or whether it’s about bad behaviour. get proof before you join the ‘witch hunt’
  • share everything unless you’re happy to, don’t feel pressured remember these are safe places for you.
  • set up new profile to join and be surprised if you’re turned away. It’s worth messaging admin first

RECOMMENDATIONS

First I recommend my own group that I run with 4 other admin members. Our group caters to those who wish to not discuss TTC (trying to conceive) and rainbow pregnancies. We do allow live children posts but only if its relevant to your loss. This is to protect those members who remain childless and those who will not have hope of further pregnancies. We do however have a TTC and rainbow group should you wish to join details are on the main group

We update our cover picture every month with a collage of the members babies. Some find this comforting others don’t it’s not a requirement and is never done without permission: Stillbirth and Babyloss Support

Another group is S.O.B.B.S (Stories of Babies Born Still). I recommend this one due to fact triggers are in place so your not subjected to reading a post to see what might contain then be triggered. It is a largely American group but there are members from all over the world too.

Grieving your Youngest Support is another good one. As the title suggests it’s about your grief for your youngest child. This group is one of the few besides my own that caters for those not wanting to talk about ttc due to choice or because medically they can’t. It is a safe place for parents. The emphasis on parents here is those with live children BEFORE their loss. This isn’t done to separate or leave out anyone but us mummies of live children need a safe place to moan about life that only other loss parents with no rainbow will get.

Before you feel disgruntled though they also have a group for mummies with no live children that have experienced loss. As with the previous group the mummies with only angel children need a place to vent where only those people will understand.Still Mothers Support

The last 3 require you to reply to a message from admin so make sure you’re able to get messages and check them when you request. You will be ask minor details on why you wish to join. This helps stop anyone not belonging to these groups from joining. My group we will look at your profile and if you’ve a relatively new profile you may want to message one of us to join as we may reject your request.

At present I wouldn’t like to recommend more simply because I feel those are some good groups that are idea to a loss. Some people like to discuss rainbows and pregnancy whilst grieving and there are so many groups it’s impossible to recommend so many. But seen as there are fewer places that are safe from those supports I felt the need to only suggest those in this blog.

Search tips for finding groups should include: stillbirth, stillborn, angel, sleeping baby, forever baby/child, babyloss, pregnancy loss, miscarriage, child death.

tracy

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