My Story by Emma

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my beautiful daughter Crystal and 18 when she was born , I had spotting a few days after I got a positive test and went to the hospital , I was checked over by a dr and told everything was fine but was sent for a scan which was a few weeks after , the scan showed all was fine and I was 7 weeks pregnant .

Me and Crystals dad broke up when I as 9 weeks pregnant as he became violent towards me , I never stopped him from being involved and h came with me to my 12 week scan , this scanned also showed all was well and baby was healthy . I had all the recommended blood tests and went to all of my mw appointments . At my 20 week scan Crystals dad was meant to meet me but he didn’t and he didn’t answer his phone either so I went in alone , everything went well and my baby was healthy it took a while for them to be able to see if she was a boy or girl as she wouldn’t move her legs , I was over the moon to finally find out what sex my baby was.

After my scan I went to see my ex to find out why he hadn’t turned up he told me he had fell asleep and slept through four alarms to me it didn’t feel like this was the truth , he asked how the scan went I told him and gave him a scan picture then I left , I didn’t speak to him for a while after that . The next appointment I had with my mw she listened to crystals heartbeat and told me all was fine , then she weighed me and told me I had lost weight but she wasn’t concerned , I was worried so she booked me in for a scan , I later cancelled this scan as I felt the mw was the one who knew what she was doing and if she thought all was ok then it was . My pregnancy progressed and I felt loads of wiggles and kicks , I remember seeing parts of my belly moving as she wiggled and moved around inside and she hated me laying on my back.

One day I suddenly realised she hadn’t been moving as much as normal so I went to the hospital where after waiting for a while they hooked me up to a machine to check crystals heartbeat but they didn’t find one , nothing , no heartbeat . I was sent to the scan department and was told to wait as they would have to fit me in between patients , I waited ages and then everyone went for lunch so I was told to come back in an hour which I did , shortly after I got back the waiting room started to fill up with pregnant women all with appointments for scans , after waiting for a few hours my name was finally called , I walked into the room and there was a sonographer and a consultant there. The consultant told me to lay on the bed and he applied the gel then he started to scan me , the first thing that entered my head was OUCH!!! Why does that hurt so much? It had never hurt before and I had no idea why it did this time , the pain was awful but I bit my lip and said nothing , then I looked at the screen it was grey , the whole screen was grey it didn’t look like my other scans , there was no grey baby wiggling around with black at the top it was just grey and paler grey ridges , the consultant looked at me and said “I’m sorry there is no heartbeat” I screamed and shouted no! This can’t be true ! I burst into tears , my baby girl was gone , how ? Why?
The consultant informed me that the amniotic fluid had absorbed back into my body which explained the reason why the scan hurt there was nothing between me and her , he told me that I was lucky that I wasn’t ill , I didn’t feel lucky not lucky at all how could I ? .
I was told that they would get someone to come and speak to me to explain what would happen next , I was crying my eyes out but as the scan room door opened I realised that the waiting room was full , everyone was staring at me , they all knew , they knew that my gorgeous girl was gone .
I was taken to a room next door and sat and waited , I didn’t wait very long , A lady came In and talked me through what would happen next I was given a tablet to soften my cervix and told I would need another in 48 hours . I kept thinking but what if she’s not dead? , what if they just missed her heartbeat , what if she’s alive and this tablet kills her . I knew deep down inside that this wasn’t the case and that my gorgeous girl was gone I took the tablet and went home .

The next day I woke at 7:30am with weird cramps in my back but I thought nothing of it , a few hours later Crystals dad phoned and joked that he had forgotten when she was due , this was the first time I had spoken to him since my 20 week scan and I was now 37 weeks , I hadn’t told him that Crystal had died , the thought didn’t cross my mind he clearly wasn’t interested or he wouldn’t have waited so long to contact me I went mental and screamed down the phone at him that she had died my brother took the phone of me and I just cried . At about 5:30 that evening the cramping got worse and more frequent so I phoned the hospital and was told to go in, once I got to the hospital I had to wait for a room , once the room was ready I was examined and told that I wasn’t dialated enough. I was given gas and air and pethadene , by this time it was about 8pm. I fell asleep a few hours later and I woke up in agony , the mw came in to examine me and I was told it was time to start pushing , at 2.45am on the 1st of April 2006 my beautiful baby girl Crystal was born silently into this world she was 3lb 7ozs of pure perfection . The mw took her way to weigh her and dress her and brought her bk wearing a little white dress she also gave me a memory book with a lock of Crystals hair and her footprints and a pink birth card inside , alter that day my dad came to see me and brought her an outfit for her to wear and the mw changed her for me , I did try but her skin started to peel and I just couldn’t do it . The mw asked if i wanted some photos taken, she took 2 photos of Crystal and one of me and Crystal , we also took photos but unfortunately I now only have one of the ones we took and the ones the mw took , Crystal stayed with me until 3pm and then the mw came and took her away and I was moved to another other ward I was given a tablet to stop me from producing milk and discharged a few days later .

At my debrief 6 weeks later I was told that Crytsal died due to a blood clot in the placenta , the consultant told me there was no way anyone could have known and it wasn’t my fault but that didn’t stop me from regretting not going to that scan, to this day I still have this regret along with many others . I was told that next time I would be monitored and would be given asprin I prevent it happening again , 2years after I had crystal I had a mc and a year after that I had an ectopic , 3 months after my ectopic I found out I was pregnant with my rainbow baby , he has just turned four , since having my son I have had another mc but I am hopeful to have another rainbow one day .

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